21 reasons why I never lose weight

1. Easter. Hot cross buns and chocolate. Enough said.

2. Children/grandchildren. Preparing three meals a day. Eating up leftovers.

3. Being an ex-smoker. Still need oral gratification - vaping invented too late.

4. City breaks. Ensaimadas for breakfast. Pintxos for lunch.

5. Heartbreak. Losing friends, relations, trust, sense of  proportion = comfort eating.

6. Eccles cakes. All those currents. Surely count as one of my five-a-day?

7. Summer barbecues. Bangers, beer and burgers.

8. Boredom. What’s in the cupboard? Ooh, peanut butter. And crisps.

9. Wine.

10. Great British Bake Off. I’d like to bake a pineapple upside down cake. Now I’ll eat it.

11. Marriage. To a man who likes a little snackette. And three square meals a day.

12. Halloween. Pumpkin pie and Haribos.

13. Great British weather. Carbs help keep out the chill.  

14. Sunday lunch. Yorkshire puddings and roast potatoes.

15. Christmas. Mince pies and brandy butter.

16. Rows (leading to fridge raiding) and reconciliations (let’s drink to that).

17. Wedding Anniversary. Maybe roses, definitely chocolates. 

18. Valentine’s Day. Ditto.

19. Mother’s Day. Ditto but from offspring.

20. Birthday. Ditto – from everybody.

21. Oh look – it’s Easter again ….

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The wrong kind of ears?

Love, pain and snoring. What's the link? Stuff I've been sent to try out recently. Here's how things went. 

The product: Auritech Hearing Protectors Sleep 

The claim: Sweet dreams without annoying sounds … enjoy an undisturbed night’s sleep particularly if you have a snoring partner. Warning sounds (telephone, crying baby) remain audible so you can still wake up if needed.

The verdict: I liked the little storage tube but neither my husband or I managed to get the earplugs to stay in place long enough to test the claims. ‘Useless,’ said the husband. I wondered if we had the wrong sort of ears.

The product: Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love by Marica Naomi Berger (New World Library)

The claim: 30 minutes a week to the relationship you’ve always wanted.

The verdict: The agenda for the weekly meetings should apparently be: expressing appreciation, co-ordinating chores, planning for good times, addressing problems and challenges. The book is full of annoying American couples (Wendy and Zack, you know who you are),  I failed to find any advice on how to deal with snoring – and I’m not sure British couples are ready to set aside half an hour a week for a regular ‘marriage meeting.’

The product:  Pain Reliever Disposable TENS from Lloyds Pharmacy rrp £6.99

The claim: Good for people who need pain relief from sports injuries or for those who suffer from joint pain as a result of a long-term condition.

The verdict: Husband – who suffers from chronic neck and shoulder pain – gave it a try. ‘Useless, he said. I wondered if he had the wrong sort of pain. 

I also pointed out that Lloyds pharmacy offer a free pain assessment service to help people manage their pain better. By then he was asleep – and snoring.